Pengalaman Perang Vietnam(informatif tapi lucu gan)

[wendycagur]

Correspondent: What do you think of the

F-4?

Captain: It's so fuckin' maneuverable you

can fly up your own ass with it.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is that he has found the F4C

Phantom highly maneuverable at all

altitudes and he considers it an excellent

aircraft for all missions assigned.

Correspondent: I suppose, Captain, that

you've flown a certain number of missions

over North Vietnam. What did you think of

the SAMs used by the North Vietnamese?

Captain: Why those bastards couldn't hit a

bull in the ass with a bass fiddle. We fake

the shit out of them. There's no sweat.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is that the Surface-to-Air

Missiles around Hanoi pose a serious

problem to our air operations and that the

pilots have a healthy respect for them.

Correspondent: I suppose, Captain, that

you've flown missions to the South. What

kind of ordnance do you use, and what

kind of targets do you hit?

Captain: Well, I'll tell you, mostly we aim at

kicking the shit out of Vietnamese villages,

and my favorite ordnance is napalm. Man,

that stuff just sucks the air out of their

friggin' lungs and makes a sonovabitchin'

fire.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is that air strikes in South

Vietnam are often against Viet Cong

structures and all operations are always

under the positive control of Forward Air

Controllers, or FACs. The ordnance

employed is conventional 500- and 750-

pound bombs and 20-millimeter cannon

fire.

Correspondent: I suppose you spent an R &

R in Hong Kong. What were your

impressions of the Oriental girls?

Captain: Yeah, I went to Hong Kong. As for

those Oriental broads, well, I don't care

which way the runway runs, east or west,

north or south--a piece of ass is a piece of

ass.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is that he found the delicately

featured oriental girls fascinating, and he

was very impressed with their fine

manners and thinks their naivete is most

charming.

Correspondent: Tell me, Captain, have you

flown any missions other than over North

and South Vietnam?

Captain: You bet your sweet ass I've flown

other missions. We get scheduled nearly

every day on the trail in Laos where those

fuckers over there throw everything at you

but the friggin' kitchen sink. Even the

goddamn kids got slingshots.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is that he has occasionally

been scheduled to fly missions in the

extreme Western DMZ, and he has a

healthy respect for the flak in that area.

Correspondent: I understand that no one in

your Fighter Wing has got a MIG yet. What

seems to be the problem?

Captain: Why you screwhead, if you knew

anything about what you're talking about--

the problem is MIGs. If we'd get scheduled

by those peckerheads at Seventh for those

missions in MIG Valley, you can bet your

ass we'd get some of those mothers. Those

glory hounds at Ubon get all those missions

while we settle for fightin' the friggin' war.

Those mothers at Ubon are sitting on their

fat asses killing MIGs and we get stuck with

bombing the god damned cabbage

patches.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

Captain means is that each element in the

Seventh Air Force is responsible for doing

their assigned job in the air war. Some units

are assigned the job of neutralizing enemy

air strength by hunting out MIGs, and other

elements are assigned bombing missions

and interdiction of enemy supply routes.

Correspondent: Of all the targets you've hit

in Vietnam, which one was the most

satisfying?

Captain: Well, shit, it was when we were

scheduled for the suspected VC vegetable

garden. I dropped napalm in the middle of

the fuckin' cabbage and my wingman

splashed it real good with six of those 750-

pound mothers and spread the fire all the

way to friggin' beets and carrots.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is that the great variety of

tactical targets available throughout Vietnam

make the F4C the perfect aircraft to provide

flexible response.

Correspondent: What do you consider the

most difficult target you've struck in North

Vietnam?

Captain: The friggin' bridges. I must have

dropped 40 tons of bombs on those

swayin' bamboo mothers, and I ain't hit

one of the bastards yet.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is that interdicting bridges

along enemy supply routes is very

important and a quite difficult target. The

best way to accomplish this task is to crater

the approaches to the bridge.

Correspondent: I noticed in touring the base

that you have aluminum matting on the

taxiways. Would you care to comment on

its effectiveness and usefulness in Vietnam?

Captain: You're fuckin' right, I'd like to make

a comment. Most of us pilots are well hung,

but shit, you don't know what hung is until

you get hung up on one of the friggin'

bumps on that god damn stuff.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is that the aluminum matting

is quite satisfactory as a temporary

expedient, but requires some finesse in

taxiing and braking the aircraft.

Correspondent: Did you have an

opportunity to meet your wife on leave in

Honolulu, and did you enjoy the visit with

her?

Captain: Yeah, I met my wife in Honolulu,

but I forget to check the calendar, so the

whole five days were friggin' well combat-

proof--a completely dry run.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is that it was wonderful to

get together with his wife and learn first-

hand about the family and how things were

at home.

Correspondent: Thank you for your time,

Captain.

Captain: Screw you--why don't you

bastards print the real story, instead of all

that crap?

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is that he enjoyed the

opportunity to discuss his tour with you.

Correspondent: One final question. Could

you reduce your impression of the war to a

simple phrase or statement, Captain?

Captain: You bet your ass I can. It's a fucked

up war.

Air Force Information Officer: What the

captain means is...it's a FUCKED UP WAR.